Chaos Awards. Vol 18

Greetings One and Everyone!

Now over the next few weeks I hope to take you on a journey. A journey that involves the majestic and wonder of an overweight gentleman on a Vespa going down a hill with his breaks severed.

Attention to all my voters. Please actually vote. This week was one of the worst turnouts in my articles history. Three people voted for the entire week. Please get your votes to me.

Anyway, onto business. Let's start this!

Best Match – Drew McIntyre vs. John Morrison (Smackdown)
Thank you Drew. Thank you for FINALLY showing me that you are worthy of being a champion. I only have one request… please find someone else to battle for the Intercontinental Championship. Move Morrison away from the minor title.
Morrison was the replacement champion… I want to stress this… REPLACEMENT champion for Rey Mysterio when Rey was suspended.
Morrison remained champion for the next 3 months. Usually, a replacement champion is just like a transitional champion, they are only champion for a certain amount of time until a better champion is found which is normally after a month or so. So why did he have to have a non-title rivalry against Miz for 2 months? AND why is he now in the SAME position that he was in 5 months ago? I still believe that Ziggler should have won at Hell in a Cell and moved onto someone else. Then Morrison could’ve feuded with Punk over the #1 contendership.

Worst Match – Big Show vs. MVP
If you become the #1 contender for a championship, normally you have a “warm-up” match then next week then face the champion for the title. Not become a Jobber for the next 3 weeks and then win the title match… by Disqualification.
MVP hasn’t moved up one level in his 3 years with the company. He became United States Champion...held the title for almost a full year before losing it to Matt Hardy at Backlash. Now he’s on Raw as the #1 Contender almost 2 years later.
I believe the only chance that MVP got for a shot at the WWE or World Heavyweight Championship was from the Scramble match at Unforgiven 2008 when he was on his losing streak.
MVP is almost turning into the new Shelton Benjamin. He won the Minor title on his brand and NEVER moved any higher. MVP might never get off that middle rung of the ladder.
Although I am glad to see Big Show use that Chokeslam for the win and not the Knockout Punch or that Spear/Shoulder Charge.

Best Performer – Hernandez
This guy is a complete machine.
In my eyes, he should be a lot more than TNA Tag Team Champion. He’s just got brute speed for a man his size. He’s got brute strength for a man of his stature. He is… without a shadow of a doubt… made to be a champion.
I really hope that one day Hernandez can become a singles champion. With his LAX tag team split, I think that Hernandez really needs to step it up just one more notch.
The explosiveness in the ring from him is just demoralizing. His destructiveness and ability to make even the biggest man look like a child make him a dominating force in TNA.
I’d like to see Morgan vs. Hernandez for the TNA World Championship, but that is probably just me.

Worst Performer – Layla
This entire Piggy James angle has gone WAY too far now. The cake and punch bath was a little over the top, but this is just getting out of hand. I know that Layla in her “fat” suit is supposed to further the rivalry, but what the hell does she have to do with this rivalry? She isn’t being trained by Michelle McCool, she is just being told what to do. She’s the bully’s best friend. The girl that only sticks by her side so she knows that she won’t get beat up.
If Mickie wins at the Royal Rumble, I want this rivalry to end. It is ludicrous and stupid and downright disgusting for the fans and for Mickie herself.

Best Promo – John Cena demanding Vince bring back Bret
I think that this is truly the best way to take this. Hart vs. McMahon has been the story since 1997. It felt really good for Bret to finally have peace with Shawn.
Bret Hart was one of the most influential people in WWE and now he’s back, well coming back. My only problem is this, he’s coming back to confront Vince. Then what? He’s had a stroke in 2002 and had paralysis in his left side. I don’t think he could wrestle a full match again.
Even then, if Vince McMahon was to face Bret Hart at Wrestlemania, this is how the match would go…
Vince shoves Bret into the Corner.
Vince Punches Bret a few times.
Bret shoves Vince down and applies a Sharpshooter. Vince Taps.
That’s all that Bret would be able to handle. He’s 52. People saying “One more match” should really stop and think of what is really going on behind the scenes before blurting out what they truly want.

Worst Promo – Swagger attacking Santino
What the hell did this had to prove? Santino wanted to get in the rumble, we already knew that Swagger was in the rumble, so why does Swagger decide to eliminate Santino from the rumble entirely? For that matter why did he have to ram his head into a steel post?
Swagger is big and strong, he didn’t need to overpower Santino like that. It was really stupid that the comedic relief of the WWE is now not in the Royal Rumble because of a stupid and careless action by a big, 85% teeth filled, no brained American American...American… Ame- You get the idea.
This is the reason why Santino is out of the rumble. This is the reason that Swagger shouldn’t be in the rumble. I DEMAND that Swagger become the resident jobber for every match that he attends. Oh wait, he’s already the resident jobber. Scratch that, I have my wish.

The Spreading Disease Award – Mike Knox
What is it with all of these guys growing face fungus?
Edge and CM Punk are trying to be like Mike Knox! They have figured out the solution to great power. No one can succumb to the power of the beard!
Triple Threat Match – Mike Knox’s Beard vs. CM Punk’s Beard vs. Edge’s Beard to determine who the one true beard in the WWE is.
Edge has just returned from injury, so you can sort of excuse him for having the growth, but CM Punk is doing the whole “straight edge” angle. Punk you look like a hobo. You are shaving everyone else’s head but you can’t shave your own face…

Question: Will Chris Masters ever hold a title in the WWE?
This isn’t a really good question, but it did get me thinking. He went on an undefeated streak at the same time as Umaga and Shawn Michaels was the first person to stop him.
Umaga went on to become Intercontinental Champion and number 1 contender for the WWE Championship. I think Masters’ only shots at the WWE championship was when he was in the Elimination Chamber at New Years Revolution 2006 and when he faced Cena in the Masterlock challenge. He’s never held any gold in the WWE.
I do think Masters will hold a title in the WWE. Most likely a tag team title if they ever decide to split the championships up. If they don’t, he’ll be United States Champion or Intercontinental Champion for a month, 2 months at most.
Masters has that huge physique that you just don’t want to screw around with. He’s just built like a *massively edited* kind of guy. I do hope that he’s able to capture a WWE title along his tenure. He would be a fighting champion.

Chaotic Top Ten
1. Kurt Angle
2. Randy Orton
3. Chris Jericho
=4. Velvet Sky
=4. Maryse
6. Hernandez
7. Matt Morgan
8. Batista
9. Mickie James
10. AJ Styles

Performer of the Year
1. Kurt Angle – 216 pts
2. AJ Styles – 214 pts
3. Chris Jericho – 187 pts
4. Mickie James – 168 pts**
5. Randy Orton – 168 pts
6. Maryse – 135 pts
7. Triple H – 132.5 pts
8. Matt Morgan – 115 pts
9. Shawn Michaels – 110.5 pts
10. Sheamus – 106 pts

** Mickie James is ahead of Randy Orton because although they are tied on 1st place finishes, Mickie has more 2nd place finishes than Randy.

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The Bottle Won't Open Rant
There are all the top guys in the WWE right now that have a DVD or a biography DVD out now. John Cena, Shawn Michaels, Triple H… even Jeff Hardy and Vince McMahon.

Where is the Chris Jericho DVD? He became the first undisputed champion, he’s a nine time intercontinental champion and he’s left the company only to return two years later. I’m wondering why the WWE hasn’t made a DVD biography on his time in the company over the past 11 years. Why not? I’d buy it.
I have a very extensive collection of WWE DVD’s over the past 8 years. But there are some DVD’s that I want to see or just get to watch once and then leave them on my shelf to gather dust until I feel inspired to what them again.
I have over 90 DVD’s and most of them I’ve watched at least 10 times. But there are DVD’s that I just want to get because they would be awesome to see.
Chris Jericho Biography
Best Diva matches of the Decade
Best Rivalries in the WWE (along with a collection of the best matches from those rivalries)
Undertaker Biography (for when he retires)

I hope that we all enjoyed the Royal Rumble! I’m posting this before I know the Rumble results.
Let’s hope that all of our predictions were successful.

I hope everyone can come along with me as we travel this Road to Wrestlemania with the Rumble winner.

I'm The Nemesis, you've been a reader.