Chaos Awards: Vol 7

*Signals truck to back up*
Good day everyone! Welcome to another Chaos Awards. I’ll be with you in one moment…
*Watches Truck back up with “Vanilla Coke” written on the side, signs form and hands it to the driver* I expect double pay next week!

Sorry about that everyone. Receiving my merchandising bonus for this week.
*sips from a giant straw that runs to the tanker*

Lets get this started!

Best Match – Matt Hardy vs. CM Punk
I loved this Submission match even though it had some boring middle parts as there normally would be in any match.
Man how close did Hardy come to snapping Punk’s muscle when he had that Single Leg Crab locked in?
Wow. I loved the back and forth, the GTS counter into Single Leg Crab and the Twist of Fate countered into Anaconda Vice.
I can’t say that I’ll enjoy the match at Breaking Point between Punk and Undertaker. But we’ll see how we go.

Worst Match – Sarita & Taylor Wilde vs. Daffney & Alissa Flash
Wow. Was it just me or did Alissa Flash look really lost?
She looked like she had no idea what she was doing out there. Daffney was trying to carry her through but there was just nothing to go on. The ending was good, but there was absolutely nothing in this Knockout match for me.
I hate to say it but I would’ve preferred it see Beth Phoenix take on Santino “Italian Stereotype my (censored) Marella.

Best Performer of WWE – Undertaker
I’m glad he’s back. He hasn’t had a match yet, but you can understand why. He’s come out of surgery and the WWE just wants to make sure that he is completely 100%.
FINALLY Undertaker gets on the microphone for more than 3 minutes! Also on a similar note, FINALLY Punk got a promo right. Short, to the point, with his gimmick. Thank you Punk. A small glimmer of hope is still there yet.
Undertaker hasn’t had a match since Wrestlemania, and the only real thing he’s done so far is Chokeslam Punk through the announcers table. It is going to be interesting to see Taker in action at Breaking Point.

Best Performer of TNA – A.J Styles
Second week in a row. He didn’t do much, but he’s still at the top.
Styles is like the Corey Taylor of Wrestling. If you don’t who Corey Taylor is, you won’t get the joke (Corey is the lead singer of Slipknot and Stone Sour). A.J does what he does because he wants to do it. He wouldn’t care if he was working in the Indy circuit getting $20 a match, he’d still be doing this.
A.J can make a match go from nothing, to everything in one move. I was sitting there bored out of my brains with TNA and then A.J steps up to the plate.
He’s probably one of the best performers I’ve ever seen in the ring.

Vanilla Coke is supported by all of your favourite stars! The Nemesis, Myself and all of the professional athletes that you have heard about! They might not say anything, but you know that they do it. Endorse it yourself today!

Worst Performer of WWE – Layla
Can this girl (censored) up a match or what?
I swear I stop counting at 10 mistakes. She comes up against probably the best womens competitor on Smackdown and she botches EVERY move.
It’s getting to the point where I don’t’ care for the divas matches anymore. I’m starting to groan or get up for another glass of vanilla coke while the match is going on. Layla just puts the icing on the cake that the womens division in WWE is dead.

Worst Performer of TNA – Alissa
Like I said before. Alissa looked lost in her match. I don’t normally mention a person twice in the same awards but my god.
When she bounced off the ropes in her match, I swore that she was going to do a leg drop. Nope. She stopped and stomped the prone opponent. Why bounce off the (censored) ropes?
I was actually shocked when she managed to not screw up when Sarita was hitting her finisher. It was only a Belly-to-Belly… but I was certain with her track record in that match that she’d botch it.
She probably got a stern talking to backstage.

Best Promo – The Opening of Raw
Bob Barker owned Chris Jericho.
That is one of the funniest segments I’ve seen on Raw for a while.
Jericho getting wasted like that so quickly? I bet that he didn’t sense that coming.
Santino being… well Santino. Jillian Hall with her… *clasps hands over ears* voice.
The Tax Man which wondered to me why he was on there. Recession? Who knows.
And of course Jericho, who in all his wisdom, tried to belittle Bob Barker. “I am one half of the-“
”One! I heard a One! That’s your bid.” Hahaha.
Could’ve had a slightly better script but hey, it’s live TV and I’m not complaining.
Bob Barker - 1. Y2J - 0.

Worst Promo – Earl Hebner
This was over in 45 seconds. And if you ask me its 46 seconds too long.
If you want a referee to explain his call, make sure that you give him ample time to argue his case. TNA just screwed up by letting Earl explain himself like that. Even if he is going to be a heel referee, you have got to give the time for them to really give the detailed opinion. Not just have him storm off in disgust without taking a good look at the replay.
Seriously TNA… you can do better than this. Earl Hebner was the #1 Referee for years and years. That just made him (censored) suck.

*A bottle of Local brand Cola is sitting on the desk. Then a giant mallet comes out of nowhere and squashes the Cola flat*
Vanilla Coke. Everything else is boring and flat.

Best Moment – Legacy taking the fight to DX
The backstage run by Legacy proved to me that they actually have a chance to beat DX at Breaking Point. Legacy can win this match if Orton doesn’t get himself involved and I hope he doesn’t. I think that this will be the PPV that Rhodes and DiBiase step up their game and it won’t be DX making them look good.
Submissions count anywhere match. I’d say a lot of in-crowd fighting but not much weapon shots because its DX.

Worst Move/Change in WWE – Taking Morrison vs. Ziggler off PPV
I was so looking forward to this match.
The WWE want to halt Ziggler’s push. This just proves that they were going to make Rey retain at Breaking Point and backwards push another star with a bright future.
Morrison vs. Rey was one of the best matches I’ve seen in a long time, and after Ziggler’s performace at Summerslam, I couldn’t wait to see Morrison vs. Ziggler.
With Morrison’s charisma and Ziggler’s ability, that would be an awesome match.
What a (censored) waste of promotions and build up on Smackdown.

Switch the tune Award – TNA Promo Writers
Geez, I don’t think there was ONE good promo in TNA this week. Normally there is one or two good ones but ALL of them were (censored) rotten!
The only mediocre promo of the night was right at the end with Hernandez and World Elite. How can you have a show like that? Suicide’s promo was actually pretty lame. No matter what, the continued promos between the World Elite and Main Event Mafia just got worse as the show went on.
I know people are going to disagree with me, and really I don’t mind. But TNA has had great promos in the last few weeks. I think that this week they dropped the ball.
They need more promo time with Styles, Foley, Daniels and Morgan.

As a long distance runner, I need to keep up my strength. Therefore I need to drink “Vanilla Coke”. It keeps my eyeballs white and my sugar tolerance WAY up high.
Vanilla Coke. Just do it, really. Its good (censored).

Okay now I’m sick of it Award – WWE Writers @ Kane/Khali Feud
David Hart Smith vs. The Great Khali
Who in the bluest of blue hell made that match?
They have to make Smith job to Khali? Who is he, Charlie Haas? … oh good. Kane comes out before the bell even rings. Well (censored) done writers. Well I said it 2-3 weeks ago *begins to boil a radiator* honestly this is going to taste a lot better than the crap that they put in that (censored) ring.
*Gets bottle of tomato sauce* I’m getting sick of mindless non-matches for rivalries that start on nothing and end with almost nothing. *Begins eating radiator* Bumt… whaf do fwe haff to do to gef thifs show *swallows* back up to the standard it was in?
I don’t think it will ever be the same again. Not even Kane can make Khali look good.

Top Ten Performers
1. A.J Styles
2. Daniels
3. John Morrison
4. Matt Hardy
5. Randy Orton
6. Shawn Michaels
7. CM Punk
8. Triple H
9. Chris Masters
10. Kurt Angle

Previous Week Top Ten
1. AJ Styles
2. John Morrison
3. Chris Sabin
4. Matt Morgan
5. Rey Mysterio
6. Randy Orton
7. Shawn Michaels
8. CM Punk
9. Matt Hardy
10. Sting

Top 10 Moments
1. Bob Barker Owning Y2J
2. Homicide turning on Hernandez
3. DX chasing Legacy out of the Building
4. Motor City Machine Guns on Commentary
5. The Ending of Smackdown
6. Mark Henry body-slamming Big Show
7. Tara almost knocking out Cody Deaner
8. Sting pretending to be Matt Morgan
9. Belfast Brawl on Smackdown
10. Drew McIntyre assaulting R-Truth

Person/People who I miss this week – Lita
I always loved Lita. She was the girl who knew no fear and I believe one of the first Divas for a lot of things. Steel Cage matches, Hardcore matches and she might have been the first WWE Diva to perform a moonsault.
I loved Lita’s in ring work and she could actually talk a bit of trash in her promos.
I always liked seeing Trish Stratus vs. Lita no matter who the heel or face was. I knew that it would be a Divas match that I wasn’t going to be ashamed of.
I wish they could bring in a number of Divas that would do anything for the business. Great rid of these princess type girls and give the fans what they wanna see… wrestling.

Breaking Point Picks!!

Singapore Cane Match
Kane vs. Khali
Winner: Khali

Unified Tag Team Championship
MVP & Mark Henry vs. Big Show & Chris Jericho
Winners: Show & Jericho by DQ or that bloody punch!

United Stats Championship
Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz
Winner should be: The Miz (Yes I said The Miz)
Actual winner: Kofi

Submission Count Anywhere
D Generation-X vs. Legacy
Winners: Legacy (by using a weapon, HBK and some form of torture)

ECW Championship
Christian vs. William Regal w/ Jackson & Kozlov
Winner: Christian

World Heavyweight Championship – Submission Match
CM Punk vs. The Undertaker
Winner: Undertaker
(Only if Punk doesn’t somehow screw Taker out of the title)
(i.e. CM Punk will win if he knocks the Undertaker unconscious during the match)

WWE Championship – I Quit Match
Randy Orton vs. John Cena
Winner: Cena (STF with a weapon or Orton getting massively busted open)

Well I think that covers everything… *checks*. Yep that covers everything.
Whew! Well I’m glad that Breaking Point is soon! Hope you all enjoy the PPV!
*toasts with a tall glass of vanilla coke*
I’m The Nemesis! You’ve been a Vanilla Coke drinker…I mean, you’ve been a reader.